I don't know about you, but I used to like getting dressed up to go somewhere nice. It took time, thought, planning and some angst, but it was fun. For example, a very long time ago, the Hot Man was still a stranger. Hot but a stranger. He asked me out on a dinner date. It took me two hours to get ready. Not only did I need to shower, pluck, tweeze, wax, style, apply makeup and test run three different shades of lipstick - I also had to prepare two different dinner outfits. Why? Because I didn't know what kind of place he would be taking me for dinner. My little sisters teased "You better not dress up too flash, he's probably taking you to the market for panikeke and a kekepua'a." While I didnt really think he would be taking me to the Fugalei Market for dinner, I also didn't want to be overdressed. What if it were a casual dinner date? So I came up with a plan. I would have two outfits ready with complementary accessories. When the Hot Man arrived, my sister would see how HE was dressed. If he looked formal and flash - then I would put on the little black dress, if not, the skimpy denim skirt and top...He showed up in a silk shirt and dress pants, bearing a single rose, and with reservations at the fanciest restaurant in town. QUICK, put on the dress, quick! Ahhh, the dramas of single life and dating. So frenzied, so frantic, so fun....
Now? I hate getting dressed up to go out. I can't find my brush because Bella took it to style Dora doll's hair. Sade nicked my tweezers and forgot where she put them. My favorite lipstick is a suspicious splodgy mess because somebody 'borrowed' it the last time they were playing dress-up...Big Son is hogging the bathroom and I don't have time to luxuriate in a hot shower. Little Son keeps coming into my room while I'm trying to re-arrange my hair 3 different ways to ask 'have you seen Bella's scooter?' (Why in heck would I have a child's scooter in my bedroom I ask?) And the Hot Man is blinded by the eyes of love (and by the eyes of impatience because he's sick to bits of waiting for me to get ready.) So he sits there and makes the most irritating comments of all - 'Why are you changing your dress again? What was wrong with the other one? You're going to straighten your hair now? You do realize that we have ten minutes to make it to church on time, don't you? Do you have to put on makeup? You look fine without it. Now what are you doing?!' Hello, does he want me to be an ugly, sloppy bag of a wife?!
Now? I hate getting dressed up to go out. I can't find my brush because Bella took it to style Dora doll's hair. Sade nicked my tweezers and forgot where she put them. My favorite lipstick is a suspicious splodgy mess because somebody 'borrowed' it the last time they were playing dress-up...Big Son is hogging the bathroom and I don't have time to luxuriate in a hot shower. Little Son keeps coming into my room while I'm trying to re-arrange my hair 3 different ways to ask 'have you seen Bella's scooter?' (Why in heck would I have a child's scooter in my bedroom I ask?) And the Hot Man is blinded by the eyes of love (and by the eyes of impatience because he's sick to bits of waiting for me to get ready.) So he sits there and makes the most irritating comments of all - 'Why are you changing your dress again? What was wrong with the other one? You're going to straighten your hair now? You do realize that we have ten minutes to make it to church on time, don't you? Do you have to put on makeup? You look fine without it. Now what are you doing?!' Hello, does he want me to be an ugly, sloppy bag of a wife?!
And then I just want to scream at all of them. Go away and leave me alone!
And what makes it worse? When finally, I'm dressed, we all exit the building to get in the car and then I notice what my children look like. The two teenagers look svelte and refined. And clearly their svelteness prevented them from supervising the wardobe choices of the younger three. Bella has two different socks and shoes on. 'We couldn't find her matching ones and besides, she likes this style much better.'. Nobody has brushed her hair and I'm sure that's a glob of bubblegum stuck in it. Little Son has squeezed himself into his favorite jeans - the ones that he can't zip up all the way and I don't want to look too closely because as usual, he has 'forgotten' to put any underwear on. Surprise. The Princess is looking stunning - in a bewildering array of colors...sequin belt, huge red flower on her head, pink ruffled skirt, orange top, a necklace made of xmas decorations. She is a Cyndi Lauper vision from the eighties
I look at this motley crew of fabulousness in all their glory.
And then I just want to stay home.
