I met JB's girlfriend the other day. (No, not Selena Gomez.) A lovely young woman who, for the sake of this blog, we will call...Selena! Anyway, there I was at the Demon's league practice when my eye chanced upon a girl who looked vaguely familiar. Why? Because I regularly peruse JB's Facebook page and therefore know what his Selena looks like. Aha! Yes...it was her. Her little brother is on the Demon's rugby team. How random is THAT!?
What did I do? (Wait for it...wait for it...the suspense is killing you I know.)
I walked up to her, said 'Hi, my name is Lani and Im JB's mum!"
She looked like a hunted deer. We chatted. She was pleasant, respectful, well mannered and rather likeable. Truly. And even asked me, "Umm how do you feel about JB having a girlfriend?"
What did I say? ( Wait for it...wait for it...no, I didnt bring out my girlfriend-killer-knife.)
I said, "Well I dont really like it to be honest, but I know that he's old enough to make his own decisions and its part of growing up... Our main concern as his parents is his schoolwork. We dont want having a girlfriend to impact negatively on his education."
She rushed to reassure me that no, she was not a class-skipping, teacher-swearing, homework-cheating loser. In fact, her parents were quite emphatic about exactly the same thing. Wow, this chance meeting was progressing rather nicely. It was going so well that I decided to go all the way, hit that homerun. Jump in feet first.
What did I do? (Uh-Oh.)
I took a deep breath and told her, "We love JB very much. We've tried to teach him certain things and we hope you will be able to help him keep to those standards. I hope you're not a skanky ho - like so many other teenage girls these days who are running around having sex with everybody. We dont believe its a good thing for people your age to have sex and we dont want you and JB to have sex."
Yes I said it. I used the words, SEX and SKANKY HO - in a conversation with my 16 yr old son's girlfriend.
Selena blushed as much as a brown girl can blush. Flushed. And was speechless for a moment. Then she rushed to reassure me that no, she was not a skanky ho, no she didnt do things like that, no she didnt want to have sex with my son. (at least not now anyway) This conversation was getting better and better!
It was time to take the Demon home. Selena and I said farewell. I went home and told JB that I had met his girlfriend. Talked to her about sex. And schoolwork. And that I liked her very much.
What did JB do? (Wait for it...wait for it...) No, he did not disown me/burst into tears/curse and hate me forever. No. My ever-patient son just rolled his eyes at me. Sighed wearily. And said, "Whatever Mum."
The next day he came home from school and told me (rather puzzled) "Selena said you're really cool."
So readers, its official.
1. I'm cool. ( How many years have I waited for my coolness to be acknowledged?!)
2. JB has a girlfriend and I actually like her. (Especially since she came over for JB's birthday party and she was helpful in the kitchen, washed dishes with a smile and was super patient with the Beast.)
3. Teenagers seem to PREFER it when you talk straight to them. Parents - dont shilly shally about, even when you get to the tough stuff.
4. Selena must really like JB. Because I couldnt scare her away with my psycho mother, NO SKANKY HO'S AND NO SEX ALLOWED HERE straight talk.
Hmm..will have to try another tactic.