Ive been in a slump of self-pity. Apathy. Otherwise known as "I miss Samoa and I want to go home." So I've been doing things like weep a little weep - when nobodys looking. Sceam a little scream - when everybodys unfortunate enough to be listening. Whinge a lot of whinge - to whoever will listen. Complain a lot of complain to everyone who doesnt want to hear it. And eat a lot of eat. In other words, Ive been a rotten miserable person to be around. Some of my whinges go like this ...
"I miss my housekeeper so baaaaadly its not even funny. You know in Samoa i had a fulltime housekeeper and nanny that worked SIX days a week, she was a gem, a priceless gem. She cooked, she cleaned, she washed and she made sure i never noticed that my children were complete slobs. Not only that, but she entertained my beastly 3 yr old so well that i never ever saw her throw a tantrum, never heard her scream "I DONT LIKE YOU MAMA!" and I never ever knew that she absolutely hated having her hair washed. ( ohmigosh, the neighbors are going to call 111 the next time i wash this childs hair because she sounds like shes being flayed alive.) In Samoa i had time to live, time to rest, time to go running, time to think, time to laugh, time to actually enjoy my children because i wasnt so tired from cleaning up their mess. I miss my life in Samoa. And I miss my chequebook in Samoa. Whenever i wanted something, i just wrote a cheque from the construction company ( and didnt really stop and think how HRH was going to cover it) and i didnt have to do things like make a shopping list before i went to the store. Or plan my purchases for the week. I miss my life in Samoa!"
The other day I was going on like this to a very dear friend of mine. Who took a deep breath and said,
"Just stop it. You sound like a spoilt Princess. Face it - your life in Samoa was like living on Fantasy Island. You were like a Desperate Houswife! And now, you're living in the real world. So get over it. Stop whining. This is your life. Welcome to reality!"
Well. That shut me up, didnt it!? What did I do? I told her she wasnt my friend anymore, so there! And perked up and asked "Oh really? Which desperate housewife do I remind you of? Please dont say Gabi ...."
No seriously, I thanked her. For giving me the kick in the butt that i needed. Yes i had a super blessed life in Samoa. But now here in NZ, I have the opportunity to really get to know my children. To experience the frustration and joys of having to provide for their every need all by myself. To see what its like when my whole family works together every Friday to clean the house from top to bottm and then relax together over fishnchips takeaway - our treat for doing all the chores. The satisfaction when i can successfully get my budget to streeeeeetch and make it to the new week. Here in NZ, we are spending way more time with our children then we ever did in Samoa - because back home we were too busy. Making money and spending it... ( well HRH was making it and i was spending it.)
So, Ive had my butt kicked. My whinging days are over. I dont live on Fantasy Island anymore. And Im not a Desperate Housewife.
Im Lani Wendt Young. And Im going to be happy living in New Zealand. Even if it kills me.