Im not a real writer. I've never written a book. Or had millions peruse my short stories. Or even hundreds avidly follow my blog. But in less than three months, there will be a book launched thats got my name on it. Which will kind of mean that Im claiming ownership to the title of ....WRITER. And its freaking me out. Its one thing to rant and ramble and have long suffering friends and family read my words. And some few random strangers that i will never meet read my words. But once the book is out, 'people' will actually think that I think I'm a writer. Which means they will then be totally justified in having an opinion on my writing. And no doubt feel moved upon to tell me whether or not they think Im any good. And its freaking me out... So i hasten to loudly proclaim - it wasnt my idea to write the tsunami book. I was commisioned by someone else to do so. So pleeeease dont shoot me if you hate it and if you think I've done a rotten job of it! Be kind, rewind? Be nice, use sugar and spice? Be polite, dont fight? Be happy - smoke something?
Sigh. My sister has come up with a strategy to prepare me for criticism. Everyday, my children are supposed to tell me - your book sucks! Its horrible! Nobody will read such rubbish! Who in their right mind would want to buy such drivel! The idea is, that by insulting me this way, i shall develop a thick skin and be super armored tough by the time the world (MIGHT) want to say the exact same things! So they tell me the book sucks. I have to smile and shrug and say - thank you for your opinion! And then reassure myself that Im okay, life will go on, Im still a good person that deserves to use up space on this planet....Today they embraced the new strategy with enthusiasm. A tad bit too much enthusiasm! Big Son announced dramatically - Your book is so awful that its a crime against the rainforest to waste so much paper. Big daughter said - Your book is so bad that we need to move to another country to escape the shame.
And instead of the smile and the shrug...I sniffed. Youre right. My book sucks.
I think we need to come up with a different strategy...Like moving to a different country. Plastic surgery. And volunteering to plant trees.